I trip a lot.
I spill stuff.
I cant park a car to save my life. (In my truck it's 20x worse. I'm THAT girl. The one that five cars in all directions are waiting for in the parking lot of Target.)
I dance. Often. Badly.
I eat mashed potatoes and gravy for breakfast. Occasionally.
I don't wear matching socks.
I accidentally farted on a baby once while delivering food at work.
You get the picture. These weird things just kinda make me who I am. So naturally, weird things happen in my life.
Like the time I walked up the stairs to a Condors game, and the Blues Brothers just happened to be right there.
The time life didn't hand me lemons, but handed me an adorable puppy instead, because the guy who found it was ditching class.
The time I literally slipped on a banana peel my Freshman year.
The time there was a hobo on my porch.
Weird people also tend to gravitate toward me. I'm not sure if it's because i'm a good listener, or if i'm just as weird. Probably both.
ANYWHO, i'm rambling and the point of this post is that
Today was random.
I woke up on time, showered, and looked like a decent human being AND got my favorite parking space, AND make it to class early, AND remembered deodorant. (Just kidding, I ALWAYS remember deodorant. ..Okay so sometimes I forget, but I don't think I sweat there, so I assure you, I smell like flowers. Always.)
My teacher is kind of a weird dude. In the syllabus he made us sign a form recognizing that he would often be offensive and portray racist people. (mostly Germans)
(Yes, it really said that.)
So today, when he brought in a stuffed horse on a stick wearing a beanie, and ran around the classroom neighing, twice, I shouldn't think much of it. Right?
(P.S. He also kept shouting "PUT THIS ON YOUTUBE." No one did. Too frightened.)
He also said to me "Mallory, will you be getting German food today?" "No, sorry I have a job interview today." "Oh, THAT'S why you did your hair."
Well, thank you professor, but mathematically speaking, you can only do so many things with a bob. And in my case, it does one thing. Its straight and sits there like hair. Although yes, sometimes I look like a lion when I wake up. But thank you for having the class stare at me, I enjoyed that. Only not really because a this time of day I drink apple juice from a box like a five-year-old.
(I just smiled and nodded.)
He also asked the fattest kid in class if he was going, and when the kid said no, he said,
"You look like you can eat a lot of German food."
Smooth.
Also today, while having a very deep and life changing conversation which I will tell you nothing about, someone's car broke down next to me.
This would not be random, only this is the second time this has happened having a very deep life-changing conversation. Same conversation with same person. Different car breaking down.
What.
And the whole time this girl knew who I was! She knew I used to have longer hair, and she kept saying how she knew me from somewhere, we just couldn't figure out where.
So I spent the next hour trying to track down someone with jumper cables. I went to the Beans, who had some, but the Beans were in different cars, and the van had the cables, and the van was at the theater, might have been the dollar theater, anywho I ended up going door to door saying,
"Hi! I'm not selling anything. Um. My friend's, well actually some random person's car is broken down? And sorry to bother you, but do you have jumper cables? So I can jump their car? Jump..start..it? Yes."
"No."
"Well, okay. Thanks anyway!" I'm pretty sure people thought I was a girl scout.
And then the girl told be about how she had her first love in high school, and they never saw each other again, and she's 22 and still thinks about him. (You cant help but wonder if that will ever be him. Or you.)
Sad day.
But after an hour or two, we got the help she needed, and we parted ways forever, but I guess not because she randomly knows who I am.
My dog got so excited she pooped herself. Only she wasn't wearing diapers, or pants so, yeah. Right there on the tile.
Later I went for a run.
Ps. Running Playlist.
Hall & Oates
Abba.
A-Ha
The Go-gos
Nena.
Also LMFAO. Im just that cool.
But not really. I run with a fanny pack. That word just makes me laugh.
If I ever meet a person named Fanny or ever uses the word, "fanny,"I will laugh my face off.
Mmmmmhm.
I come around a corner to find a guy with a crossbow, who sees me and flags me down. (Well first he was lie, "Run faster! Hey. I have a daughter your age."
And then ran inside the house and called his daughter downstairs so that we could be running buddies.
Random. But hey, I have a running buddy.
Aaaand...THAT. Is a not so average tale.
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